Why I Support Trident and the End of the World

The following was written by @mikeypie12

   
I am deeply myopic. It must be said. I used to have a firmly anti-Trident stance. This however was not through anything so noble as a stringent desire for world peace. I may be myopic, but I’m also a pragmatist, and asteroids are cheaper in times of austerity. Here is why I supported Jeremy Corbyn wishing the world to be destroyed by non-terrestrial means: 

Everytime I go on twitter and read the latest foibles of the Conservative Party, I want the world to end. I want to be put out of my misery. It starts off small: Let’s kill foxes, let’s kill badgers, let’s kill disabled people, let’s starve the majority of the population to death like we’re some Benidorm style Maoist tribute act, and so it goes.

  

99% of us are not quite so fortunate, or perhaps unfortunate (it depends on how existentialist you are) to be omitted from the ensuing Tory death list. You know, I’m not a member of the Royal Family, my family didn’t partake in the spoliation of India, or become part of the landed gentry by persecuting poor people over a century ago or aid the suffering and desperation of the wider population in the workhouses (lucky for Jeremy Corbyn that ancestral history is on his side). Nor more recently, I’m not an aspiring footballer from one of the wealthiest nations on Earth, who has just been given £3 million pounds to ensure that China will not only beat us at table-tennis and most other sports at the next Olympics, but they’ll all give us a good kicking at our national pastime. Nor am I fortunate enough to be a Jamaican criminal who will be deported back to a brand-spanking new £25 million pound prison. No doubt, if I was a Jamaican criminal who specialised in particuarly lurid violations of human-rights, I bet the Tory party would even give me a massive sporting subsidy at the British taxpayers expense to really give my gold medal prospects a boost. 

So excuse me, because I’m fed up. 

It really comes to something, when the only source of amusement I’ve had lately, is that the Conservative Party are setting up a trade-union. Seriously, I fell off my chair and thought I was going to need an ambulance. Imagine a trade-union that is so confused that any grievance procedure brought about by it’s members will be swiftly passed onto the Conservative hierarchy for them to put together a hastily constructed bill to oppose themselves which by way of resolution will  probably lead to its own members being interned and summarilly executed. Perhaps they may even follow the example of our Saudi allies, and the gallant Tory trade-union protestors shall crucify themselves.

Other than this, Tory Britain is inordinately grey and depressing. They say a week in politics is a long time. We have another four-and-a-half years of this shower. They feel like dog years. Let that resonate.

  
(https://twitter.com/bendunnell/status/649715854037385216)

To paraphrase Tom Watson’s magnificent speech at Labour conference, “Ten minutes of a Tory government is too long… ten years of waiting for an arbitrary asteroid strike on Earth is far longer than the people of this country can afford to wait.”

Jeremy, if you have any humanity support Trident. Nuke the world. Put us out of our misery.

  

By @mikeypie12

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Jcwsfns7KPQ
  
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